I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing, Just praying to a

Its not that I wont believe.. its that i dont know how

I go to church with my parents every weekend and i try to listen to the readings.. but they tell you over and over again that God will protect you from the worst things.. and then one of those worst things happens and your just sitting there thinking about how he should have stoped it

How do you believe in something that keeps letting you down.. but then there are things ive been taught that God doesnt aprove of. And some of those things are people afraid of being different.. they want things to be the way they are and and that means turning their backs on anything that is different. But what if they are right, what if those people are fallowing what God does want.. why did he make people different if he didnt aprove of them being that way.

My Grandma's birthday is today.. and yesterday she was taking my cosin cloths to go skiing in and she saw some deer and didnt notice that the car in frount of her stoped and she crashed in to the back of the car.. the air bag went off and broke her sternum.. she turned out fine.. other than the broken sternum.. but it still happened and it happened the day before her birthday and the one week my grandpa was in kansas.. two days after my grandpa lost his phone in the feild, so it took hours before my uncle could call my dad and another 2 hours before my dad could get ahold of my grandpa.

Why did it have to happen to my grandma.. she beleves in God, goes to church and believes in what the readings say.. she doesnt aprove of people being 'different' but it still happened to her. It always happens to the people who believe.. why couldnt it have been me.. I go to church but I sit there thinking of the things I am and do that my family and the God that they believe in would aprove of... but here i am.. Im alive and i dont believe and Im praying that she gets better but how can it work since i dont believe, since Im 'different'

*sighs* not to bring out my inner christian or anything but if she's that faithful to the lord then she'll live. He won't make it her time otherwise her airbag wouldn't have gone off...

god likes to act like a ninja...quiet and unnoticed...and if he was noticed then he wouldn't be a ninja, i mean god.

also, i think we all have more power then you out on the forum so the lock thing doesn't really work.